People are ever so bothered what others are talking behind their backs. They are so interested in finding out what others thought of them. The question is, WHY? So long you are leading your life in accordance to Nature’s Law, why be afraid or worried what others have in mind? Why change your approaches or the way you are just to fit in, or be part of their circle of friends?
Let me remind you that most ‘successful’ people were never “normal” in the eyes of others. Somehow, they were different because they dared to be different! They wanted to be different, that is why they are successful in achieving a different result compared to the rest who were merely run of the mill.
Many worry of being socially ostracised if they just be who they really are. So they lose their uniqueness by being what others want them to be. For these people, the easiest path to walk is the one that has society’s approval. But how many people can you please? Haven’t you heard of the statement: “You just can’t please everybody!”
In the world, everything has its own definition. Human beings tend to define every single thing they see, touch, hear, smell, taste or feel. Not only that, they even define what they did not experience with their five senses!
So yes! Life is a definition on its own!
But the act of defining something is also very subjective in nature. It is subjected to various factors. For example, if I were to present an apple to three different people coming from three different backgrounds, their perception of the apple will of course, be different! Let us see:
Photographer: A tool to express creativity.
Scientist: A breakthrough in Science as it is an invention that captures light onto paper.
Other ordinary person: A tool to capture special moments
So at the end of the day, what does ‘definition’ actually mean?
For me, it simply means the reflection of one’s internal beliefs or values, which influences one’s perception. Nothing less, and nothing more.
How you define an object, a person or a situation is the reflection of ‘YOU’!
So, why do so many get carried away as to how others think of them? Yes, I do admit that it is important to have what sociologists call “social control” to a certain degree, but really, ONLY TO A CERTAIN DEGREE! This will make one analyse his/her next step before committing something bizarre.
But at the end of the day, when “social control” takes over your life, that’s what I call “an unhealthy state of mind”. You are not free. You are bound by what others think of you. You are bound by the values and expectations others set on you. No! This simply isn’t what life really is. From my opinion, life is meant to be a free flowing river whereby you set your own course / cause.
I would then say, the most important thing in your life, is how you define yourself! Who do you see yourself as? What do you think of yourself? Where do you see yourself in 10 years from now?
The outside world can give you plenty of suggestions, but will you allow them to sentence you into whatever they have said you are or will be?
Your internal talk is what is of utmost importance to you. A healthy level of self-esteem is what will make your life not only good, but marvelous! When you are negatively swayed by what others say about you, it only reflects to yourself that you do not possess enough self-confidence. Remember that an empty can makes the most noise.
Whenever you are faced with a negative situation, and you bark out at them, it is your self-defence mechanism coming into play. You feel threatened as you try to convince others, or rather yourself, that you are not what they said you are.
But when you are so sure of being who you are, you wouldn’t even bother wasting that precious time, trying to convince them of that. You will just turn your mind to something more productive, because you are 101% sure that you know yourself better than anyone else out there.
So the next time you catch yourself saying:
“She said I’m this and that……….. I’m not like this or that…..”: STOP IT!
Don’t justify. Ask and answer yourself honestly. Once and for all:
“Am I really like this?….”
If you are not, just throw everything he/she said outside the window.
If you have always lived your life trying to figure out what others thought of you, do you not think that life is just so painful? Do you not feel that “trying to catch up with their game” is an agony. Of course it is! You are always in doubt. You are always paranoid. By doing so, you have clogged your share of life’s happiness.
So what if they said you are not a good friend?
If you are the best friend one can have on earth, will their words change you? NO! You will still continue to be that good friend.
So what if they said your charitable acts are only a show?
If you know for sure your acts were genuine, your conscience is clear. So you wouldn’t even feel the pinch or guilt in you!
So what if they said you are over-ambitious in your career?
Are they living your life for you? Does it affect them in any way at all if you are willing to work harder for your job? NO! Who is going to be the one reaping the fruits of your hard labour? Them or you?!
So what if they said your dream is too big?
When you have finally attained it, are they still going to say it was too big? NO!
You will find them more silent than ever, until you wouldn’t even know that they are there!
Just remember. Define yourself! Do not let anyone have that power over you. Your power is within!
The next time anyone tries to define you in any way that is not pleasant, just remember the two magic words:
I am that I AM. Remember that…